Addressing Common Fears About Dying

Let’s just say it: thinking about dying is weirdly terrifying. Even if you’ve made peace with the idea in theory, the real, messy feelings around death can still sneak up and sucker-punch you in the gut. You're not alone. Most people carry a tangled ball of fears when it comes to death—and naming them is often the first step toward loosening their grip.

Fear #1: The Pain
A top contender in the fear olympics. “Will it hurt?” is a valid question. While we can't predict every detail, the good news is that modern medicine has come a long way. Hospice and palliative care teams are literal angels at managing pain. You don’t have to suffer. Planning ahead and advocating for comfort care can make a massive difference.

Don’t get me started on hospice myths.  Guys, they don’t come to kill grandma, I promise!! 

Fear #2: The Unknown
Ah yes, the ol’ “what happens next?” existential dread. I can remember 7 year old me trying desperately to sort this one out.  Whether you believe in heaven, reincarnation, or cosmic stardust, it’s okay not to know. But fear of the unknown doesn’t have to freeze you. Get curious instead!  Read, ask questions, have deep talks at inappropriate dinner parties.  (or attend a death cafe!!) The mystery isn’t going anywhere, but your fear might ease with familiarity.

Fear #3: Leaving People Behind
Worrying about loved ones is natural. We want to protect, fix, and stay connected. Here’s the truth: your people will grieve, and they will survive.  And life does continue on without you. What helps most? Conversations. Write the letter. Record a message. Say the mushy stuff now. Love doesn't end—it just shifts shape.

Fear #4: Losing Control
The idea of being dependent or voiceless at the end is a big one. That’s why advance directives and having a solid care team (and a death doula, ahem) are game-changers. When you plan ahead, you regain some control, and that’s powerful stuff.  (ahem.  Death doulas can help here too!)

Talking about death won’t summon it like Beetlejuice. It actually gives you and your people more peace. Fear shrinks when exposed to the light.

So go ahead. Peek under the bed. Death’s there, sure, but so is love, legacy, and a surprising amount of grace.

Want more real talk and resources on dying well? Come hang out with me! No judgment or creepy vibes, just compassionate truth.