-
“The role of a Death Doula is to educate and empower families to exercise their innate right to care for their own loved ones. Death Doulas “provide emotional, spiritual, and physical support at an intensely personal and crucial time. They assist people in finding meaning, creating a legacy project, and planning for how the last days will unfold. Doulas also guide and support loved ones through the last days of life and ease the suffering of grief in its early stages”
– INELDA (International End of Life Doula Association)
-
Short answer, whatever you need to give your life meaning and leave behind the legacy you want.
Slightly longer answer; everything from helping plan advanced directives to setting up a vigil plan for active dying, to helping your loved ones reprocess their grief after you are gone.
By getting to you know and your loved ones we can create a process for your end of life plans to make your transition out of this life as gentle and loving as you need.
Most importantly I am here to walk with you on this journey and to protect your wishes for your “good death” so you can transition from this life the way you want and deserve.
-
I can give respite to your caregivers, so they can get some needed self care of their own. I can help them come up with a plan for what to do immediately after you’re gone to ease their stress, and I can help YOU make a legacy for them to keep you close forever. I can also help them reprocess their grief for their loss.
-
Because everyone deserves a good death. Period.
Frequently Asked Questions
Read this blog post for a more in-depth look at what doulas can do!
What about grief?
-
Grief doesn’t run on a schedule, and it definitely can’t read a calendar. (rude!) For many people, grief softens over time, but it doesn’t disappear. It changes shape. Some days it’s loud and heavy; other days it’s quieter, like background music you didn’t choose but know by heart. If you’re still grieving months or even years later, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it means you loved deeply.
-
I have good news and bad news. The bad news is you never “get over it.” The good news is, that’s ok!! Grief isn’t something you complete like a checklist. What tends to happen instead is that you learn how to carry it without it crushing you. Life grows around the grief. Joy comes back in pieces. You don’t move on from the person, you move forward with the love still intact.
-
Absolutely! This is called anticipatory grief, and it’s incredibly common, especially for caregivers and loved ones of someone with a terminal or progressive illness. You may grieve the future you know is changing, the version of the person they used to be, or the life you imagined. Feeling this way doesn’t mean you’re giving up or wishing anything bad, it means your heart is already trying to adjust to a loss it sees coming.
-
Not crying doesn’t mean you didn’t care. Grief shows up in many forms! Numbness, exhaustion, irritability, distraction, even feeling “fine.” Tears may come later, or they may not come at all. Your nervous system might be protecting you, especially if the loss was sudden, traumatic, or long and exhausting. There is no emotional performance required for grief. Your experience is valid exactly as it is.
-
Step 1: Acknowledge that you can’t fix this! We are a society of fixers and watching someone hurting is scary and hard to watch. But grief is a natural process that we need to allow to happen. Be there for them. Listen. Be a safe space and don’t be afraid of their emotions!
If that’s something you cannot handle be self aware to know that and step aside to let someone else be there with them. (It’s ok! You’re ok!)