Dealing with Death Anxiety: Strategies for Acceptance

Thanatophobia.  That’s a mouthful.  And a heartful.  In case you don’t know; Thanatophobia is the intense fear of death or dying.

Death anxiety is a beast, too.  I see it all the time. I’m not quite to the level of phobia but I have a healthy fear too.  Usually for me it makes an awkward drop in  at 3 a.m. when my brain decides to throw a surprise party titled “What If I Just Stop Existing?”

For some people this is just a vague unease. For others, it’s an ever-present hum in the background of life. And in a culture that avoids talking about death like it’s a contagious rash, it makes sense we’d feel freaked out. But here’s the thing: death anxiety doesn't mean something’s wrong with you. It means you’re human.

The goal isn't to eliminate that fear entirely (good luck with that), but to develop a relationship with it that feels less like panic and more like respect. So let’s get into some grounded, gentle, and maybe even slightly rebellious strategies for accepting the one truth we can’t escape: we're all going to die.

1. Name It to Tame It

(You know I love my rhymes!)  Start by acknowledging the anxiety. Don’t mumble it like a toddler being forced to apologize, say it out loud!!  “I’m scared of dying.” There. You said it. You didn’t burst into flames. 

Death anxiety, like anxiety as a whole, thrives in silence and shame. When we say it out loud, journal about it, or talk to someone we trust, we take away some of its power. We drag it out of the dark corner and let it stretch its legs in the daylight. You’re not weird for feeling this way. You’re honest.

2. Learn What You’re Actually Afraid Of

Death is a giant umbrella term. Often what we’re really afraid of isn’t death itself, but something more specific:

• The pain of dying?

• Leaving loved ones behind?

• Ceasing to exist?

• Regret about not living fully?

• The mystery of “what’s next?”
  

Get curious. Unpack the fear. Give it specifics. Sometimes the fear is less about death and more about the living we feel we haven’t done.

3. Engage with Mortality

This one sounds backwards, but stay with me here. Avoidance makes fear stronger. So try leaning in, gently. Watch films or read books that deal with death in thoughtful ways. Visit a cemetery and notice the peacefulness. Have conversations with older people about what they think about death (they’re often shockingly chill about it). 

When we normalize death, it stops feeling like an intruder and starts feeling more like an inevitable guest. Still a guest you might not want to hang with every day, but one you’re not actively hiding from.

4. Plan for the End

Want to feel a surprising sense of peace? Fill out your advance directive. Pick your power of attorney. Write a few notes about what kind of memorial you’d want. These aren't morbid tasks; they're acts of love. They say, “I know I won’t be here forever, but I can still leave some clarity behind.”  And what a gift for your loved ones to not have to panic buy a casket.

And weirdly, having a plan in place tends to ease anxiety, not amplify it. Because now you’re not at the mercy of the unknown. You’ve looked Death in the eye and said, “Okay, I see you. Here’s how I want this to go.”

5. Practice Tiny Acts of Presence

At the core of death anxiety is often a disconnection from the present. We spin out into “what if” or “when will,” and miss the only thing we actually have: now.

So practice presence. You don’t have to meditate for an hour a day on a mountain top. Just breathe deeply while your coffee brews. Really listen when your kid tells you something weird about worms. Laugh. Cry. Taste your food. These small acts are how we say yes to life. And the more we say yes to life, the less we fear its end.

6. Talk to Someone Who’s Not Scared to Talk About It

This could be a therapist. It could be a chaplain. It could be a death doula (oh, hi!). Sometimes you need a guide who doesn’t flinch when the topic of death comes up. Because this isn’t just about managing anxiety, it’s about rewriting your relationship to mortality. About integrating the reality of death into your life without letting it hijack your joy.  Guys seriously this is what I DO.

You don’t have to do this alone. And you definitely don’t have to carry it quietly.

7. Accept That It Is Inevitable (And Let That Change You)

This isn’t a motivational poster moment, but here’s the truth: we are all going to die. No workaround. No app to fix it.

And once you accept that, like…REALLY accept that, something wild can happen. You might start living differently. You might stop waiting for the “perfect time” to do something. (It doesn’t exist) You might speak up more, forgive faster, hold boundaries like a boss, or love more recklessly.

That’s the gift inside death anxiety. It reminds us of our aliveness.

Final Thoughts (But Not like….Final Final)

Death anxiety doesn’t mean you’re weird. It means you’ve realized something important: this life is fragile. And while you can't outsmart death, you can walk with it. Hand in hand. Nervous, maybe. But braver than before.

So take a breath. You’re still here. Let that be enough for now.

A Question to Ponder:
What would you do differently today if you accepted that death isn’t a threat, but a teacher?