Leaving a Legacy
Let’s talk about legacy! This is one of my favorite things to do as a doula. I don't mean the fancy kind of legacy made for bronze plaques in stuffy libraries on a college campus. I’m talking about the real kind. The kind made of stories, scribbled notes, terrible jokes, worn-out recipes, and that weird humming sound your dad made when he was concentrating.
Legacy is what sticks when the body gives out and the casseroles stop coming. It’s what whispers, “I was here. I mattered. And here’s how you’ll remember me.”
If you’re dying, or loving someone who is, it can feel like time’s running out on all the things that still need saying. But that’s where legacy projects come in: part healing, part connection, part time capsule of the soul.
This is your permission to make something that lasts.
Ok Nikki, What Is this Legacy Project, Exactly?
A legacy project is anything that helps a person nearing death leave a meaningful imprint for those they love. It doesn’t have to be deep or spiritual (though it can be). It just has to be true.
It could be a letter. A quilt. A playlist. A garden. A recipe book with exactly zero measurements but very strong opinions about paprika. A story told into a phone and passed down through headphones and holidays.
The best ones aren’t fancy; they’re personal.
Why Legacy Projects Matter (Even If You Hate Crafty Stuff)
1. They give the dying person agency.
So much is taken from someone near the end: independence, privacy, control, even dignity. A legacy project gives some of that back. It says, “You still have something to give. You still have a voice.”
2. They help families start grieving with the person, not just after them.
There’s nothing like hearing your mom tell you what she really wants you to remember. Or watching your grandfather write his childhood stories in a shaky hand. It's heartbreaking, and healing.
3. They offer a place to put the love.
When you can’t fix or cure, you create. Legacy projects give caregivers and loved ones something to do that actually matters.
I’ve sat with families who are helping to record legacies and watching them all come together and reminisce is so utterly beautiful.
Legacy Project Ideas (It doesn’t have to be a scrapbook!)
Letters to the Future: Write one to each grandkid, or one for every big milestone (weddings, graduations, bad breakups, Mondays).
Voice Memos or Video Diaries: Doesn’t have to be fancy. Just talk. Tell stories. Rant about your favorite shows. Say their names. (Ahem: My Last Farewell)
Recipe Box with Commentary: “Add garlic. No, more than that. No, more.”
A Book of “Things I Wish I’d Said”: This one stings but wow, is it powerful.
Handprint Art with Kids: Not just for preschoolers. It’s visceral. It’s physical. It's something to touch later when everything feels too quiet.
Playlist of a Life: Songs that shaped them, comforted them, or made them dance like a fool in the kitchen.
A "How-To" Book: For literally anything. How to fold the laundry the right way. (spoiler: hang everything or just wad it up. You’re welcome) How to deal with grief. How to love someone when they’re dying.
Things to Remember While Creating
1. It’s not about being profound, it’s about being real.
You don’t need perfect grammar or poetic metaphors. You need heart. Say the awkward stuff. Include the bad jokes.
2. Let it be messy.
Legacy isn’t clean. It’s complicated and beautiful and often a little bittersweet. That’s the point.
3. It's okay if it’s unfinished.
We all are, really. Leave room for the people you love to continue the story.
Legacy projects are not homework. They’re love letters disguised as whatever form you want them to take. They won’t fix the heartbreak of losing someone, but they do soften the edges. They give people something to hold, to hear, to remember.
And when the grief gets loud, those projects will whisper back:
"I was here. I loved you. You mattered to me."
Question to Ponder:
If you could leave behind one thing for the people who love you (a note, a lesson, a piece of you) what would it be? And what’s stopping you from starting it today?
