The Ghosts of Our Past: How Old Grief Still Shapes Us

The holidays have a way of stirring things up. Joy and sorrow start mingling like relatives who don’t quite get along. And both showing up whether you invited them or not.

This season, I’m exploring grief through a familiar old story: A Christmas Carol. Dickens gave us three ghosts: past, present, and future, each holding a mirror to the parts of ourselves we’d rather avoid. But for those of us grieving, these ghosts feel a little too real.

Over the next few weeks, we’ll visit each one.
The Ghost of Christmas Past, who reminds us of what we’ve lost.
The Ghost of Christmas Present, who asks us to face what is.
And the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, who whispers about what might still be possible.

You don’t need to be merry to be part of this. Just honest. Just human.

The Ghost of Christmas Past: When Memories Won’t Stay Quiet

The holidays have a way of summoning ghosts. Maybe not literal ones, but the quieter, more haunting ones that live in our memories. The smell of a certain candle. The sound of a favorite song. The sight of ornaments you can’t bring yourself to hang.  (Oh boy do we have a few of those)

Grief in December often feels like time travel. One moment you’re here, making coffee, and the next you’re back in a kitchen from ten years ago, standing beside someone who isn’t here anymore. The Ghost of Christmas Past just shows up without a courtesy call ahead.  Jerk.

But maybe we shouldn’t shut the door on those memories. Maybe we listen to them.

When the past visits, let it tell its story. Write about the traditions that meant something, the laughter that still echoes, and the moments that now ache to remember. Memory is love’s way of saying, “They mattered. You still matter.”

Try this: light a candle and journal about one holiday memory that feels alive this year. What does it bring up in you? What does it still want you to know?

You don’t have to live in the past, but you also don’t have to exile it. Sometimes revisiting what was helps us see how far we’ve come and how deeply we’ve loved.  After all, grief is love with nowhere to go.